I promise I will change he has said this so many times I can’t count, how often do you give second chances? Is your hand on the door ready to leave and now they are promising to change, doing all the things that you have been asking for (for years) and making a real effort. Does this mean you are obligated to stay? That you should stay and see how it pans out? Or are you just exhausted of the yo yo game, where you keep believing his promises and here you are – stuck in the same situation. (Again)!
Two questions for you:
Is he really truly making an effort? – is he doing the work outside of love-bombing and promising you? Is there more in it than just promising to change, are they seeing a counsellor on their own, are they learning new life skills?
The why behind it all: Has he figured out the why? If he doesn’t fully understand why he didn’t give you what you desperately wanted for so long – what you needed to change to make your relationship be healthy and work – without this understanding of why behind it – its not going to last, his efforts won’t last because he hasn’t looked at the deeper, bigger issues. If your partner is not making decisions and choosing to get help to make lasting, mature decisions, then nothing will change. They may be sincere and want it to be different but without the bigger picture and the new found tools being actioned every day it will and can only be temporary, like all the other times. (Like an addict going cold turkey without help.)
Why didn’t this person listen to you for all those years when you were asking, pleading and begging? You don’t want to have to punish him or nag and berate him in order to get them to change – you just need to see the change, feel it and understand that you are worthy of nothing less!
How come he didn’t listen when you were sad, upset, angry, most likely all of these feelings but didn’t care or make changes and then when you get strong, put your foot down and declare your boundaries, saying you need to leave, that they choose to step up and behave differently?
You are allowed to say you tried for so long, for years, giving him so many chances – that you really wanted to believe in him, but now it’s too late.
Find out more by reading my book “Is love enough?” https://www.isloveenough.com/product/is-love-enough-e-book-copy/
It’s time to look inward – to discover your happiness, to feel worthy to do what’s best for you!
His promises are most likely temporary, even if he tells you how much he loves you, and he has proven that time and again. If this person is not giving you what you ask, require and need, then don’t waste another second of your precious time. Reach for the stars, shine brighter, discover your passions again and keep moving forward.
Your life, happiness and purpose matter! ❤️
Sophie S Fort – Author: Is love enough? Worth holding onto, or time to let go?