Resentment in toxic relationships

Facing the reality of being in a toxic relationship.  This is quite a shameful, humiliating feeling of defeat.  We never entered this relationship looking for toxic love; we came in to it, hopeful, innocent, passionate and committed.  Somehow, along the way this got lost.  Our partner also most likely came in to this relationship with the same hope and commitment but it unraveled with a series of disappointments, setbacks and the undeniable beginnings of resentment. 

It feels like a big cloud has come to sit over us, and it doesn’t want to go away!  If resentment has set in, it can begin to build and consume us if we don’t acknowledge it and begin trying to undo it.   In our book “Is love enough?” we offer growth exercises to try and work some of this through.

The resentment scale exercise is figuring out where you sit on a level of resentment within your relationship.  Do you have rage or anger towards your partner?  Have you stopped believing in their promises?  We have a series of questions for you to work through and from here you can get an accurate answer to how you are feeling about this.  Maybe you didn’t realize how hurt and angry you have felt for some time until you see it right in front of you.

At the psychology today website, Nancy Colier – psychotherapist writes about if a relationship can recover from resentment:

“As hurt and resentment accumulate in a relationship, it becomes harder and harder to empathize with your partner’s experience, because you have so much unheard and uncared-for pain of your own.”  

Read more by clicking on this link.

 When an apology is seen and felt as sincere, resentment can begin to disipate and heal, but only if you really feel listened to and your hurt acknowledged. 

If left unattended, resentment has the ability to be totally consuming, feeding on our feelings and destructive emotions creating anger at yourself and your partner. 

Sophie S Fort

Sophie S Fort

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Our book “Is Love Enough” is a down to earth, realistic approach to figuring out what you can do if you’re unhappy or worried about your relationship. It’s a step by step guide to making your relationship and consequently your life a better one.

When we want something to work with all of our heart, we can overlook things that need to be seen, things we must pay attention to. This book helps you to identify those things

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